Ten reasons NOT to read Knight's Fork

(Ten reasons not to—may be a new, contrarian trend among authors who blog.)

10. It's long. It has 340 pages, and most new Chapters do not begin on a fresh page.

9. It has a Prologue and an Epilogue. That's two beginnings, and two endings!

8. It's going to take about eight hours to read

7b. Disrespectful words such as tallywacker and joystick are used with reference to male body parts
7. The hero is a virgin and proud of it

6. The heroine is locked in a chastity belt, and she doesn't have a key

5. The family tree is so complicated they needed to spread it over two pages.

4. If you read in bed, your significant other might be disturbed by your giggles

3. The F- word is used, but only by villains, and only in conversation

2. If you read it in public, someone may ask why the naked man on the cover is lying in a puddle

1. If you don't read every paragraph, you may ask yourself why the naked man is lying in a puddle

Socrates Sez

Note:
Socrates is a minature mule and the star of

Down Home Ever Lovin' Mule Blues
by Jacquie Rogers

Copyright (c) 2008 Jacquie Rogers

Humans are so stubborn.

But never let it be said that we mules don’t take care of our humans. Mine is Brody Alexander. I’m Socrates, master of cogitation and entertainer of both large and small children.

Infinite patience is required to endure Brody’s obstinance. Granted, we john mules do have it easier than men. We don’t have this hormone thing going on so we don’t spend our lives trying to make little mules.

That gives us lots more time to cogitate. And believe me, I can think of a few more species who could do with a little thoughtful uncommon sense.

Human males, for instance. Why, they seem to spend every waking hour thinking about sex, getting sex, or being disappointed by not having sex.

That’s how I see it. Except I left one thing out—human males need more than sex. They need love. My human could use a little loving these days. Why, he’s been moping around worse than a porcupine on a bad hair day.

That’s where the cogitating comes in. If testosterone hadn’t clouded Brody’s thinking, he’d already know what he needs. Funny thing, those hormones.

The way I see it, my job is to help his brain listen to his other parts—especially his heart. And I have the answer. Yes, sir, I do. I just saw a pretty little filly drive down the road, the very same one who mooned over Brody ten years ago.

It’s time for action.

Read what happens to Brody when Socrates puts his plan into action. Perseus the Australian Shepherd and Guinnevere the skunk are gung-ho to help, along with the neighbor dog, Beauty (bloodhound/collie mix).

May your saddle never slip!

Jacquie

Down Home Ever Lovin' Mule Blues

also check out:
Faery Special Romances *** Book Video



Royalties go to Children's Tumor Foundation, ending Neurofibromatosis through Research
Jacquie Rogers *** Myspace *** Twitter *** Faery World

Pets who ride on your shoulder

I was on a podcast the other day (thanks again, Rowena), and talking to Jacquie Rogers at the same time made me remember something almost relevant, especially when Fido the cat, my 19-year-old Tonkinese, tried to come up behind me and get my attention (usually by swatting at me). There was a time when he, and his student Bowser, got our attention by climbing the tallest chair in the house and jumped on the shoulders of the Hub and me (sometimes by surprise, sometimes by calculation). Neither were dainty, one 18 lbs at his heaviest and the other about 15 lbs, so it was better if we were prepared for the jump. If only we could have had them like that outside, walking around. They were both very happy being carried around like that.

Long ago, when we went more regularly to comic book conventions, there was someone who walked about with a toy stuffed dragon perched on his shoulder. It was a little out of the ordinary then (why, at a comic convention? It's hard to say), but he did it consistently. At least it was memorable (and considering it was several decades ago, it must have been memorable, since I still remember it). Jacquie and I are putting together a dragon workshop. It makes me wonder if I should go find a stuffed dragon for each of us to do the same thing. 

A few decades makes a difference. It was odd then, but now, it would be amusing. Maybe it was amusing then. But we were much younger and so much more worried about not looking like an idiot. Now? Don't worry about it nearly so much.

  

Mules, Males and other animals

I love talking to people. I ought to do it more often!

On today's Crazy Tuesday show, I chatted with some animal-lovers who happen to be authors. Some are most definitely kindred spirits, and there's at least two books I'm going to treat myself to before Christmas.

Among the characters trotted out to meet me was Pretty Bottom, a proud porcupine; Christopher-the-Assassin, a cat; Nova the cowardly dog who once overcame his fear to chase a bear... which reminds me of the cartoon "Courage"; a parakeet named Jubilee who likes Bonnie Tyler and The Randy Rogers Band; Miz Fuzz the cat with her own boom box; Foutchie the foot fairy; an exotic bird that throws seeds; Socrates the wise --and wise-cracking mule who believes that sterility improves the masculine mind and ability to cogitate; a pet chicken of a Warrior Trainer; Guinevere the skunk; a terrifying cat who takes his toys to water but can't make them drink; some extremely smart ravens; and a deliriously happy guinea pig.

Oh! And a 300 year old gentleman who is trapped in the body of a cat. I can't begin to imagine (well, I can) all the things he's forgotten how to do, and all the new things he has to learn once he finds a lady who can lift the spell in A Cat O'Nine Tales.

Rowena Cherry

CONTEST! Males, Mules, and Other Animals

Down Home Ever Lovin' Mule Blues Pet Pictures Contest Give me your best shot!

Cats, Dogs, and Equine categories. Don’t forget the mules!

10 categories in all and GOBS of prizes from a dozen authors (including some of our fabulous IWOFA authors!). Plus, everyone will get to see how cute your pet is! Cats, Dogs, and Equine are the three groups. Each group has three categories: cutest, most heartwarming, best overall. And then the tenth category is the 2008 Best Pet Picture.

(There are more prizes than represented in the following graphics, and not all titles are prizes. Please go to http://www.jacquierogers.com and click on Contest for a complete listing, as well as contest procedures and rules. Because of postage costs, we have to limit entries to USA only.)

Alexis Morgan

http://www.alexismorgan.com

Celia May Hart

http://www.celiamayhart.com

The Late Dawn Thompson

http://www.dawnthompson.com

Deborah Macgillivray

http://www.deborahmacgillivray.co.uk

Eilis Flynn

http://www.eilisflynn.com

Gerri Russell

http://www.gerrirusell.net

Jacquie Rogers

http://www.jacquierogers.com

Judith Laik

http://www.judithlaik.com

Rowena Cherry

http://www.rowenacherry.com

Almost Taken by Isabel Mere

Saving Tampa by Jo Webnar

Kissing Lessons (e-story) by Sherrie Holmes

So enter your pet pictures today!


Go to http://www.jacquierogers.com and click on Contest

Good Luck!!!

Jacquie



Jacquie Rogers *** Myspace *** Twitter *** Faery World

Faery Special Romances *** Book Video
Royalties go to Children's Tumor Foundation, ending Neurofibromatosis through Research

October 2008: Down Home Ever Lovin' Mule Blues (See the Book Video)

Cat O' Nine Tales book video

Cat O' Nine Tales from D Macgillivray on Vimeo.

Bear Awareness Week

Now, here's a male of the species who is welcome to make me very aware of bear.

I can't resist a totally --well, not totally-- gratuitous hunk to start the day. Look out for further news from me about how this manly pose was transformed into a poster representing 'Rhett (Prince Djarrhett) the hero of the sequel to Forced Mate and Insufficient Mating Material. Or maybe you've seen the ad with the temporary cover?

Even if I knew that he might "shift" into bear form at any moment, I think I'd risk letting a hero who looks like this give me a Bear Hug!

Anyway... Not only is today (Sunday May 11th) Mother's Day, but it is also the start of Bear Awareness Week.

Angie Fox, Carrie Masek, Sandy Lender, Cynthia Eden and Charlee Boyett-Compo are joining me on internet voices radio tonight between 9pm
Eastern and eleven pm to give a whole new depth of meaning to Bear men and Romance.

We'd love some listeners, even for a little while.

FOR CRAZY TUESDAY: In the last program, Jade Lee and Emily Bryan (aka
Diana Groe) talked about everything below the belt in honor of Earth
Day... from Brazilian waxes for courtesans, to castration, to foot
binding.

http://www.internetvoicesradio.com/CrazyTuesday.htm


FOR CHERRY PICKING SPECIALS, which is the irreverent and irregular
Sunday night-time show about Romance heroes and the animals they shift
into being when the right female comes along.

http://www.internetvoicesradio.com/rowena.htm


Best wishes,
Rowena Cherry
http://www.rowenacherry.com
http://www.internetvoicesradio.com

Romance, loaded (with love) for Bear

Cat Laws

Cat Laws

Law of Cat Inertia

A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion

A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism

All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics

Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching

A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping

All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the
cat.

Law of Cat Elongation

A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

Law of Cat Obstruction

A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.

Law of Cat Acceleration

A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.


Law of Dinner Table Attendance

Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.


Law of Rug Configuration

No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

Law of Obedience Resistance

A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

First Law of Energy Conservation

Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

Second Law of Energy Conservation

Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

Law of Refrigerator Observation

If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

Law of Electric Blanket Attraction

Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

Law of Random Comfort Seeking

A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

Law of Bag/Box Occupancy

All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

Law of Cat Embarrassment

A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

Law of Milk Consumption

A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

Law of Furniture Replacement

A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

Law of Cat Landing

A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid- section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.

Law of Fluid Displacement

A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

Law of Cat Disinterest

A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

Law of Pill Rejection

Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

Law of Cat Composition

A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

Older cats and grief…

Cats are the most adaptable creatures. Give them a safe place, regular food, and a nice clean litter box and they will adjust. The younger they are, the more quickly they adapt. But what about the older cat who has belonged to one person for all or most of their kitty life? Cats grieve; the longer the association that is being broken, the more they can actually will themselves not to live. Think of Grey Friar’s Bobby. That’s the worry I faced when I took in Miss Fuzz, the elderly cat that belonged to my dear friend, author Dawn Thompson, who died in February.

Dawn bought Fuzz when she was a kitten from a pet store. She said there were other pretty kitties vying for attention. However, back in the corner of one cage was a small tuxedo cat. Her foot had been broken, there was not much hair on her tail, the fur on her forehead was missing and one set of eyebrow whiskers was gone. Obviously, this small kitten had gone through some ugly abuse. The pet store owner said he would probably have to have her put down because no one would want the poor thing.

Dawn knew she and Fuzz were meant to be. Life had never been very good to Dawn, thus she saw another kindred spirit in this very tiny cat, took her home, and a friendship that lasted sixteen years was born. Fuzz bloomed under Dawn’s TLC. Her tail is bushy and everything has grown back―save for the right eyebrow whiskers. Her back right foot still points a little to the side. Those are differences you notice immediately. After Fuzz came to live with me, I noticed other oddities, which had to result from the abuse. Instead of the natural rounded form of her ribcage, hers is flatter. You will also notice upon feeling, she had four ribs broken on the left side.

When Dawn became ill in hospital last autumn, she feared she might die, and bemoaned what would happen to Fuzz. I have often pondered this about my own cat. What would happen to her if I die? How would she accept me not being there for her? It was a serious concern due to my own bad health these past two years, so I empathized with Dawn’s panic at fearing for Fuzz’s security. A feline that is used to being a pampered puss, all their whims indulged, how do they adjust to not only losing the love that they have grown to believe will always be there, but suddenly ‘their person’ is just gone? With humans, we go through funerals; people offer explanations of death. What do cats think when one day their person goes away and never comes back? They cannot say, “Oh, she died. I need to move on.” They wait. And wait. In Fuzz’s case this waiting was even more heart-rending because of Dawn’s long hospitalization, and the fact she did come home once. At one point, after a few weeks, she was sent home from Brookhaven Hospital. Fuzz had Dawn for part of a day before it ended up with Dawn having to be rushed back. Fuzz must have thought Dawn came home once, surely, she would come home again. If she just waited long enough then Dawn would come again.

A housecleaning service was sent into the apartment; strangers came and went before, during and after the funeral. Fuzz was very territorial, Dawn said, and very protective of her. Dawn suffered from lymphoma and a nurse had to come every morning to wrap her legs to compress the fluid out of them. Once the nurse hurt Dawn accidently, and when she cried out Fuzz jumped up on her lap and hissed at the nurse and wouldn’t let her near Dawn again. Suddenly, not only was this poor cat alone for the better part of four months, now people were invading her home.

I knew Fuzz would come to me. I told Dawn this a couple years ago, that I would take Fuzz if anything happened to her. But when I made that vow I was in good health and could drive to New York. I was not in shape to make that trip when the time came. I had pneumonia for months at the start of the 2007, then a heart attack in July. There was no way I could make that drive. Plans were discussed, putting Fuzz in a carrier and shipping her with an airline ticket, but fortunately a very sweet man named Don said he was making the drive to the South, he could carry Fuzz to me. Bless you, Don! You’re an angel. We arranged things and Fuzz came to me on a late Sunday night a little over seven weeks ago.

So now, poor Fuzz not only didn’t have her person, she was removed from her home of sixteen years and was carted halfway across the US and given to a complete stranger. Worse, there is a ‘furry critter’ in this unfamiliar house where you have never seen before! Fuzz had NEVER seen another cat. My cat, Foutchie, is seven now. Though she was raised with other cats, the last one died two years ago. She ‘inherited’ everything and has a bit of a problem sharing. I hoped they would take one look at each other and be friends. Not to be. Fuzz was terrified of Foutchie. And Foutchie had a cat hiss at her! What to do? Fuzz would make 2 ½ of Foutchie. I cannot just toss them out there and say get along. Worse, Fuzz was known for slinking off in the old apartment and hiding. What if she did that here and I couldn’t find where she went? Knowing how traumatized she was I feared she would crawl off in some corner or under something. We are packing and preparing to move later this year, so we are slowly sorting through stuff in the attic and such, boxing everything. I was seriously upset she would get someplace she deemed safe and I wouldn’t be able to find her. I had knee surgery last year and couldn’t get down and play hide and seek with a kitty that didn’t want to be found. Worse, would she come out? I have seen cats crawl off and hide like this for days; they can dehydrate and die.

Well, I was worried. Here I promised to care for Fuzz and give her a good home; I couldn’t allow that to happen. Fuzz wouldn’t even allow me to pick her up without going on the attack. Hum…what to do? We hit on the idea of putting her in the one bedroom used for storage. She would have a full bed to sleep on, her own heater, plenty of room for a kitty. I hated “locking her away” until she grew to trust me so we took off the solid door to the room and put up a louvered door, with the slats facing so she can watch into the house, yet still feel safe.
She quickly sussed out the bed and claimed that. I had some things Don had brought that were hers and I put them there to give her a sense of something from her old life. Dawn had prepared me how Fuzz liked things. She needs more than one water bowl, likes milk in the morning and tuna in the afternoon. So immediately I had her routine matching how Dawn cared for her. My editor, Hilary Sares, said tuna every day wasn’t good for a kitty, so I gradually moved her to canned food. Her appetite gaveme hope she would not allow grief to claim her. At sixteen it was a serious concern. Older cats can become frail so easily, and once they lose muscle, it’s hard for them to regain it. Fuzz ate and showed a strong appetite.

Over the past seven weeks, she’s gradually accepted me, maybe is even growing to like me. She expects things done her way, but allows for new adventures such grilled chicken breast for lunch. She hears me coming into the kitchen and gives me so long to gather her food and water and arrive. I am still cannot pick her up, but I am able to pet and stroke her. She comes to me. This week, she finally meowed. She had been silent. No meows, no purrs. Dawn said she did a lot of talking to her, so I figured her silence was another side of her grief. She often refused to look at me when I came into the room. I think she believed if she didn’t look, she could grieve in silence and still pray Dawn would return.
Bittersweet, she started talking to me just days ago. I guess she is finally accepting life has moved on. Yes, cats are very adaptable, but I often wonder what they think about their person just going away and never coming back.
I have a new Dell computer, Vista OS. My old camera won’t work with Vista so I must buy a new camera to go with it, so sadly, no Fuzz pics yet. Maybe soon. Maybe we will have bonded enough I can present you with one of me holding her.

Maybe she will be purring.

Off topic, but I can't help myself....

Preditors and Editors has awarded my site the Author's Site Of Excellence Award.

Needless to say, I am thrilled!

Hi Everyone! Thought I'd introduce myself!

I just wanted to introduce myself and pose a couple of questions. First, who am I? Well, my name is Teresa D’Amario. I’m a paranormal romance writer, who writes about shapeshifters. While shapeshifters COULD be human, mine are based on animal society. My first release, SheWolf is available at Freya’s Bower, and I’m sure you’re going to love it.

Now, the first question: Why are animals so interesting to use as shapeshifters for paranormal romance?

My thoughts are simple. A shapeshifter who operates primarily on instinct can not be politicially correct.

Politically incorrect writing? Who would have thought it would be so fun to read such things! A few months back, Angela Knight posted on her blog “Where have all the balls gone.” This is still one of my favorite blog posts of all times. It discusses the rise of the alpha male in current paranormal romance. But to me, I think part of what makes our Werewolves, and Werecats so fascinating is because they don’t have to be like real men. They don’t have to worry about being chauvinistic, because they expect their woman to be almost as powerful as they, if not in strength, at least in intelligence. They don’t get yelled at for being dominant, for taking what they want, for protecting those they love.

So while I write, I watch my dogs, and every step they take. What do they do to show dominance over one another? Is it in the eyes? Is it in the actions? Is it in both?

Having worked with dogs for years, I know it’s in all of the above.
But in SheWolf, I took it a step further. The woman runs on her instincts. Feminine. Wolven and human. They work together to create a powerful female. She loves what she does, she protects those she cares about, and she uses those instincts and intelligence to move through life.

So, if you were an animal shifter, what animal would you want to be? What animal has skills and instincts you admire the most? Who knows. You may find that animal in one of my future releases!

More cat pictures that make me think

Not being a fan of dogs, this image really appeals to me. Has anyone written a story about a kung fu fighting cat?

Rowena Cherrry

A close-up of a cat's tongue

Have you ever been licked by a cat? It's not unpleasant.